amyurbach

We must look to ourselves first if we ever want to see change. This is great advice for those that...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:31:49 -0500

We must look to ourselves first if we ever want to see change. This is great advice for those that are divorced, always blaming the ex for your problems and co-parenting.

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It’s never your fault. But it’s always your fault, because if you wanted to change you’re the one who has got to change.”

― Katharine Hepburn

Parental Alienation Awareness Day

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 15:17:06 -0500

“Unfortunately, because of parental alienation and other factors, we are creating a fatherless society,” said Boere, “Most alienated parents are fathers, due to the courts still awarding custody to moms in a ratio of about nine to one.” ~ Theo Boere

Behind the Scenes

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 10:37:38 -0600

Who doesn’t want a cute pic of all the kids for Christmas. Here is one of all the cousins on my dad’s side of the family.

Now, what does it take to get a cute pic like this???

Click below:

Here’s a peek behind the scenes. :-)

The Friend

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 21:50:23 -0600

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.”

― Henri Nouwen

China Hutch Redo

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 21:19:30 -0600

This past week I took on a HUUUUGE project, or so I thought it was going to be. Turns out, it wasn’t near as hard as I thought it would be thanks to Allison, owner of Refunk My Junk. She came to my home and helped me transform this china hutch that I’ve had for years.

BEFORE:

The finish no longer went with my decor and I couldn’t find anything I liked to replace it that wasn’t thousands of dollars. So I thought I would try to redo it. I found Allison and her website and gave her a call. She assured me the process was easy peasy, and she was right. In one afternoon we made this china hutch look like a new piece of furniture and hear this…NO SANDING!!!

AFTER:

The paint used is naturally green (bonus) CeCe Caldwell’s Paints. I wanted to pull the red/orange out of the picture on the opposite wall. (Which by the way we bought years ago from a local artist)

All the info you need about available classes, private lessons and paint/products used, is on Allison’s website.

Here are some more pics of the finished product.

We painted the inside black, it was a good choice. Glass looks beautiful with the black behind it. (Ignore the cord on the left. Need to get a cover for it)

The Courtroom Will Not Solve Your Divorced Parenting Problems

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 13:53:00 -0500

Family court should be the last place for parenting decisions. The adversarial structure of family court creates a “parenting contest” that no one truly “wins.” And the judges do not have the ability to see what actually occurred in a family’s home. Therefore, if parents are unable to agree on making parenting decisions, it is much better to get assistance from professionals (mediators, lawyers, counselors) and training in conflict-reducing skills, than to bring these matters to court. ~ Don’t Alienate the Kids Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD

Once the Children Are Successfully Poisoned

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 13:19:39 -0500

“Once the children are successfully poisoned, the offending parent may, in fact, tone down the bad-mouthing, confident that the goal has been accomplished. When the children object to seeing the other parent, the favored parent can then pay lip service to the importance of the children’s relationship with the rejected parent. They claim either that they are helpless to change their children’s negative attitudes or that they believe they must “respect” their children’s choices.” ~ Dr. Richard Warshak

Stepmoms, Stay Strong Stay Beautiful

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 09:32:00 -0500

As a stepmom, you can do everything “right” and still not get the results you had hoped for. YOU have not failed. There are some situations that, simply put, are not within your control. You do not have the ability to see the future and you cannot predict the actions of others, so no, you didn’t “know what you were getting into” when you became a stepmom. You cannot fix what you didn’t break and you are ultimately in control of only one person - yourself.
Stay strong. Stay beautiful.

Original Source: StepMom Magazine

Stepmoms Who Have Biomoms Who Don't Want to Work Together

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:45:00 -0500

Below is an excerpt from an article in Stepmom Magazine. Janelle is the biomom from the mom/stepmom duo The Cake Mamas. What great words of wisdom she has and it’s my hope other biomoms can do the same.

Interview by Heather Hetchler of Cafe Smom

HEATHER: Oftentimes, a stepmom wants to work well with the mother of her stepchildren, but the mom doesn’t want that same type of relationship. What’s your advice to stepmoms who don’t have moms who want to work together with them?

JANELLE: I wish I could shake those moms and knock some sense into them! It really works me up, because oftentimes stepmoms are putting in just as many mommy hours as the moms: Homework, sports practices, attending dance recitals, packing lunches, doing laundry, etc. That all adds up, and to get no respect from the mother of the child or children you’re doing all that for becomes pretty discouraging. To answer your question, though, I would advise the step-moms to keep making an effort. Be cordial, be friendly and try really hard to establish some sort of relationship. You don’t have to be best friends, but try to create a mutual respect for one another, because you both have the best interests (in mind) for the little ones in your lives. That is what should motivate both parties.

Never Be Bullied Into Silence

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 08:15:23 -0500

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”

- Harvey Feirstein

Identifying Anger Problems

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 09:51:12 -0500

Identifying Anger Problems:

Here are some questions we can ask ourselves which will identify whether we have an anger management problem:

Do I lose my temper easily and quickly? Do small things set me off such as getting stuck in traffic, children running around the house or spilling my coffee? Do I have a low tolerance for frustration? Is it difficult for me to take things in stride?
Do I show inconsistent behavior that is intimidating to others? Is my behavior so unpredictable that one minute I’m feeling good — and the next I become explosive?
Are family and friends afraid of me? Do they often tell me to calm down? Do people say they “walk on egg shells” around me? Do they avoid giving me bad news for fear of my reaction?
Have I hurt people close to me because of my anger? Have I lost friends, family or even my job as a consequence of my outbursts? Do people distance themselves from being close to me?
Have I tried to control my anger, but failed? Am I unable to control how I react to things, even though I have tried several different approaches?
Do I find myself explaining or justifying my aggressive behavior to others? Do I usually blame others for enticing or provoking me to anger?
Is it difficult to express myself without cursing, swearing and blaming? Is my communication with others often offensive and vulgar? Am I defensive and usually believe the problem “isn’t me — it’s them”?
Does anger cause me to become destructive? Do I frequently break things or become violent towards others? Do I pound on the table, punch a door or throw things to make a point? Have I hit, bit, pushed or forcibly held my partner because of my rage?
Does my anger spiral out of control? Once I get angry, is it difficult for me to de-escalate? Does it seem to take over and take a while before I am able to settle down?
Do I have difficulties with authority figures? Do I dislike people telling me what to do and often get into confrontations? Do I purposefully refuse to complete assignments or follow directions, as a sign of rebellion?
Do I frequently argue at home? Is it difficult for me to have a conversation without getting angry? Do I get upset when others disagree with me? Do I believe others have the power to make me feel stupid or inadequate?
Is my body language intense? Do I communicate with clenched fists, a tightened jaw and a glaring stare?

SOURCE

My Birthday Wish

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 10:08:00 -0500

My Birthday Wish

Here is one of my posts to FB from earlier this week:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight, my stepkids are headed to Destin FL with their mom and tomorrow my kids are flying to Hawaii with their dad. How blessed are these kids to get TWO vacations this summer?!?! (Well not Steph, she had a summer class when we went to CO)

I hope they ALL have a GREAT time with their other families. :-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know of too many kids that get TWO vacations every summer, let alone one. If you choose to look at the positives of having a blended/divorced family, this is one of them.

Summer is always a challenge for scheduling things like vacations, camps, VBS etc. My kids’ stepmom and I work together to let each other know the best times for our families to take our vacations. She has two, very active teenagers to keep up with as well as my kids’ schedules. Our time with my husband’s kids is planned in advance, without much flexibility. So, not only do you plan your family’s vacation, you are basically trying to accommodate three family’s schedules.

I learned, recently, that my kids would be gone on vacation on my birthday. You can imagine my disappointment. For a moment, I was a little angry, frustrated and sad. I mentioned it to my kids and they quickly said it was the only time they could go because of everyone’s busy schedule. Believe it or not, I totally understood after I thought about it for a minute.

I had choices. I could have thrown a fit. I could have called up my ex (he doesn’t email) and told him off and demand he change the dates. I could have sent a nasty text to their stepmom telling her how unthoughtful she was. I could have griped and complained to the kids that they were missing my birthday so they could go to Hawaii with their dad. I could have cried and complained to my husband about it. However, I did none of those things and I not going to. Sure, I’m disappointed and would have loved to spend time with them on my birthday, but they are going to Hawaii for goodness sake. I hope they have a GREAT time!

I’m thankful that we can be flexible when scheduling conflicts occur. I’m thankful we have the ability to step back from the situation and find the greater good, even if it means the kids aren’t where I want them to be when I want them to be there. I know my ex and his wife didn’t plan this vacation to keep my kids from me on my birthday. It was simply the best time for them to go—plain and simple. In the past, my ex has even given up Fathers Day to accommodate our vacations. For this unselfish act I am thankful.

So, here’s my birthday wish: That my kids and my step-kids have a great vacation with their other families and make some wonderful memories to talk about around the dinner table with their kids. My wish is that if you are in the same boat as me and live in a blended family, that you can look past what may seem like ill intentions and see the greater good and the truth…that life is just busy and we all have the best intentions for our kids. Oh, one more thing, I’d like a cake with ice cream, of course. :-)

AND I MEAN WHAT I SAY…I TRULY DO!

Divorce Poison

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 11:07:33 -0500

“I often wonder how parents engaged in bashing explain the fact that they fell in love with, married, and had children with people who are so utterly lacking in any redeeming qualities. They seem unaware of the common observation that the mates we choose reveal much about our own personalities and emotional needs.”

“It is uncanny how often a parent will be guilty of the very things he or she accuses the ex-spouse of doing.”

“Those who close off avenues of love and support detour children from their pursuit of emotional security. …It is a form of kidnapping; stealing the soul.”

“…children identify with both parents. This means that children experience bad-mouthing of a parent as a personal attack. …This is one reason divorce poison diminishes your child’s self-esteem. Bad-mouth your ex and you simultaneously bad-mouth your child.”

“…the alienating parent is guilty of contributing not only to the loss of love but to the perversion of the child’s soul.”

—all quotes by Dr. Richard A. Warshak, in the book Divorce Poison

Parental Alienation: Divorce Poison

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 12:12:31 -0500

Parents intent on alienating their children from their ex-partner also engage in a stripping process. They do so by purging their home of any reminders of the other parent. They remove all photographs of the absent parent. Some even go as far as cutting their ex-spouse out of family photos. They avoid mentioning the other parent at times when this would be natural. And they discourage their children from speaking positively about the other parent. This is usually done in a subtle manner. A child begins talking about his father, and the mother withdraws her attention or changes the subject… When I am evaluating a parent suspected of brainwashing, say a father, I ask, ‘What do the children tell you about their mother?’ If he answers, ‘They never talk about her,’ this alerts me to the possibility that such talk is discouraged.

Divorce Poison ~ Richard Warhak

Urbach Vacation: Estes Park 2012

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 13:14:00 -0500

I cannot tell you enough how much fun we had this vacation. What. A. Blast! I am pleasantly surprised that several people have mentioned they have a trip planned to Estes Park in the near future and have asked for some tips. Here are some of the things we did and suggestions I might have for your trip to Estes Park CO. If you haven’t been….GO!

Estes Park is 1 1/2 hours or so north and west of Denver. Elevation: 7522. June was beautiful weather. Highs in the low 80’s, lows in the 40’s. No AC in the cabin so windows open all night. (bliss)

BEST overall website for Estes Park: http://estes-park.com/

We stayed at Brynwood on the River. Based the decision to stay there by doing online research. Was a great place to stay. You have the option of having a riverside cabin and/or a hot tub on your porch and they have a heated pool.(Just outside of town) Due to the size of our family (6) we couldn’t book right on the river (was one cabin and already booked) but we did get a hot tub on the porch and the kids loved it. You could see and hear the river from our cabin and was just a few steps away. Funny thing about Brynwood, my friend Katie is friends with the new managers of the property and we didn’t even know it when booking it. Small world. :-)

(Big Thompson River, Estes Park)

Day one we spent a great deal of time exploring the Rocky Mountain National Park. Estes Park is located just outside of the park and has a couple of entrances into the park. It is $20 to enter the park (SAVE YOUR RECEIPT) but that is good for 7 days. Be sure to ask for a map from a Park Ranger when you pay. Another great tool if you have a smart phone is the Chimani app. Didn’t always get great reception in the park but it’s a great tool to have before you go. Pack drinks, snacks and even a picnic and lots of sunscreen.

There are tons of places to hike, take pics and explore. We spent the majority of our first day in the Hidden Vally, Lawn Lake Trailhead and Sheep Lakes area. I wish I could get a good pic of the map to post but I’m having all kinds of trouble. You can view it on the Chimani app or the RMNP website.

(Lawn Lake Trailhead)

Day two we went back into the park to horseback ride. Talk about breathtaking! This stable was great! Cory runs the place and he is a hoot! :-) Hi Country Stables 970.586.2327 (Crazy, they don’t have a website) We booked the 2 hr ride, but he “upgraded” us to the 3 hr ride because the views are better. 3 hrs is a looong time to ride on the side of a rocky mountain, BUT it was spectacular! Highly recommend seeing the mountains this way. This stable is located off Bear Lake Rd which is closed due to construction but they will be able to help you get past that.

Bear Lake Road has a ton of areas to hike and look around, highly recommend spending some time in that area while you have access to it. Not many people there during construction and it’s usually a high traffic area.

Day three we went water rafting. This was not in Estes Park, we had to drive about 1 1/2 hours to Fort Collins to A Wanderlust Adventure. Again, we had a BLAST. Be sure you check the age and weight regulations if you have kids. The girls were juuuust over the limits. They did great and had a blast. If you are going in the next couple of months, they may have the river shut down due to the High Park Fire. Some say it might not be completely contained until fall. Here is a video of our adventure. You can see the fire at the first of the video. (We were there the first day the fire started)

Day four, we did a hummer tour of Trail Ridge Road in RMNP. Rocky Mountain Rush Tours That day it happen to be windy and chilly….so, we froze our buns off. We were dressed warm and had blankets but it was still cold in an open vehicle. We went to the highest point in the park The Alpine Visitor Center. Highest elevation is 12,000 (just down the road from the visitor center). THAT is a crazy road and not for the faint of heart! If you aren’t comfortable driving on narrow, winding, edge of the cliff roads….do it anyway. :-) It’s a great experience. (seriously, beware if you are afraid of heights) We also saw the Alluvial Fan on this tour. That is a must see as well. (on the map)

(Herd of elk in the tundra high on Trail Ridge Road)

One evening we drove our own vehicle up to the highest point on Trial Ridge Road to catch a sunset (at the recommendation of Rob, the manager of Poppy’s Pizza & Grill) That is a bucket list item. I caught the most beautiful pictures I’ve ever seen in my life.

(Sunset on Trail Ridge Road)

Be sure to take the Aerial Tramway up to Prospect Mountain (right in the middle of town). You will love the view and the kids will love the friendly chipmunks.

Be on the lookout for wildlife right in the middle of town. Heard many stories: “just the other night I heard a bear in my yard” but we didn’t get to see a bear. Elk are usually all over the place in town.

Kids might enjoy doing some trout fishing at a stocked pond. Be careful, they charge by the inch! It was a fun couple of hours, they cleaned and iced the fish and we grilled them for dinner.

Might want to visit the Stanley Hotel, hear it’s haunted. We didn’t, but there is lots of history there. Also, we didn’t go biking like we hoped to. Lot’s of places to rent bikes. Didn’t have time to check out the hiking at Twin Owl Peak just on the edge of town.

IF you are kidless, (if I were kidless) I would spend every waking moment enjoying the pure beauty of the park, it is grand and something to not take for granted. God’s canvas! Only reason I say if kidless, is we all know kids gotta have action all the time. :-)

We will go back soon!

Enjoy your visit to Estes Park CO!

Moms: Don't Be the Reason

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 11:12:00 -0500

Moms, if you’ve had anything to do with your kids not having a physical or emotional relationship with their father (your ex), I pray that TODAY you have a change of heart and you do your best to make things right. Don’t say it’s up to the kids…it’s up to YOU to give your kids YOUR blessing and encourage a relationship with their father.

To the dads that deal with this, I pray that you know your kids love you no matter if they can express it or not and someday they will grow up and process all that has happened. There is hope.

Cinnamon Rolls

Sun, 27 May 2012 17:25:00 -0500

Mmmmm, these are so good and SUPER easy with a bread machine. I’ll post some of the modifications I’ve made below the recipe.

Ingredients

1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons butter
3/4 teaspoon salt
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
1/4 cup white sugar
1 egg
3 tablespoons softened butter
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/3 cup white sugar
1/3 cup raisins (optional)
1/3 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons melted butter
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 tablespoons milk

Directions

In saucepan, heat 1/2 cup milk, water, and 2 tablespoons butter until very warm. Place milk mixture, salt, flour, yeast, sugar, and eggs in the pan of the bread machine in the order suggested by the manufacturer. Select the Dough cycle. Press Start.
Once Dough cycle is complete, remove the dough from the bread machine and punch down. On a floured surface, roll into a large rectangle. Smear with the softened butter. Combine the cinnamon and 1/3 cup sugar. Sprinkle over the rectangle. Generously sprinkle the raisins and/or chopped nuts over the top.
Roll the dough up into a log starting at the long side. Cut into 12 slices. Place the rolls cut side down into a 9x13-inch greased baking pan. Cover, and let rise in a warm place until almost doubled, about 30 minutes.
Preheat an oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Combine the confectioners’ sugar, 1.5 tablespoons melted butter, vanilla extract, and 1.5 tablespoons milk into a thick frosting; set aside.
Bake rolls in preheated oven until golden, 20 to 25 minutes. Remove and allow to cool 10 minutes. Spread frosting over baked rolls and enjoy.

I used almond milk instead of milk.
After you roll them out, I used brown sugar instead of sugar and FAR more butter (vegan butter, hubs couldn’t even tell) than called for. Brown sugar seemed to make them gooier. :-)
I don’t use walnuts or raisins. :-)
Would like to experiment with the recipe a little more. Different flour varieties, egg substitute etc.

Most of the Important Things

Wed, 09 May 2012 08:30:00 -0500

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”

- Dale Carnegie

Role Model vs Stepmom

Thu, 03 May 2012 19:35:00 -0500

love this quote from Brenda Ockun, founder and publisher of Stepmom Magazine

“I LOVE THE IDEA OF BEING A ROLE MODEL. What if
all stepmoms worried less about the maternal implications of the word ‘stepmom’ and let the term ‘role model’ guide their actions and their relationships instead?”

It's the Right Thing to Do

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 11:03:00 -0500

When referring to your ex when talking to your kids, refer to them as “your dad” or “your mom” not by their name. Using their first name clearly communicates anger, bitterness and hatred. It’s disrespectful and puts kids in the middle.